Healing Rain

I listen for the changes in the tone of the rain as it falls endlessly from the sky.  It's almost 1am and I am awake for no apparent reason.  It's been some time since I've ever had trouble sleeping, yet today of all days I feel I am not ready to sleep.  I wait for the distant thunder to get up close and personal, but it only feels like it's running away from me.  Kind of relieved about that, I continue to search my mind for an answer.  It feels that I have forgotten the mantra of the Whatumanawa, working in the Whatumanawa and actively participating and nurturing this important aspect of my life.  What is the Whatumanawa you might say and well I can only share from my own experience of what I achieve in the state of Whatumanawa. Should I even be calling it a state? I am by no means a Tohunga in the realms of giving you the reader an answer, but for me it is where I am safe. Where me and my family feel protected in a spiritual sense and where I encourage friends to feel that same protection. When your intentions are right in something, it shows in everything you do. That for me I have been lacking this, with my mind thinking and acting for me. Especially when I know that I can achieve so much more calm and sense of being in the Whatumanawa so easily. What is it that allows the thoughts to process your being? For me it is my laziness to carry out the steps to get there, yet I know that once I'm there I feel the answer to the things I constantly mull over. Humanity is such a hard thing to let go of. I spent the last two weeks with a friend and away from usual surroundings, which allowed me to get into the state of thinking and over thinking to the point of worry. I was finding that I was worrying about things even when I knew I shouldn't be. My aim to take the steps and accept a leap of faith mentality had gone and I was awkwardly trying to find it again, to no avail. Where did I go wrong? When I let my guard down. When we let our guard down and allow our spirits to be attacked, we are open to fodder from all directions. It hurts folks and can be down right humiliating too. We have just placed a doormat down for people to walk all over and take bits and pieces of our mana. OUR MANA. No people don't always and I use the term lightly here but people don't go out of there way to defame, damage or put a blight on your reputation. No, it takes time and moments of their being out of neutrality to do so. But it's oh so hard to not get involved. Just the mere being involved is enough to do some real damage. You may not actively be participating in the conversation, but you have allowed that person to take a chunk of a persons Mana simply by being there and not saying otherwise. This is a big lesson that I had to learn the hard way and a lesson I want anyone who bothers to read this, to take heed of. I participated in the questioning of a dear dear friend, even though I refused to give feedback or answers. I should have stopped the conversation then and there, instead of allowing the questioners to assume without that friend present to say otherwise. It made me feel uncomfortable and it made me feel hurt that I couldn't protect my friend, which lead to guilt and feeling annoyance at these two people. My whole respect for a person was waning and I felt vulnerable and exposed. These are the sorts of feelings that you feel when your a kid!! I was out of neutrality which effected my ability to accept the Whatumanawa and bam!! I was shot with a loaded spirit gun, not once but more so than that. So, I accepted my karma for the wrongs I had done and here I am writing a love story :)
Therefore I welcome tonight's rain in It's intensity, as it is how I feel right now. Intense and rumbling like the rain and thunder, yet ready to welcome In a new day with as much intensity and love as ever.