In early times

My choice and decision to become a birth attendant was one that I unintentionally began. I attended the birth of a very best friend from early primary school days, who knew that she would be birthing her daughter still born. I never questioned or gave her the impression that this is not the kind of birth I pictured myself attending but it was one that became the catalyst of where I am today. I felt honored to be there to support her in any way I could and ultimately she trusted me and trusted in my being there.  We had studied Maori language classes together and my passion for singing and karakia was something I had a love for.  I loved what our words sung out loud done to me and those that listened and this is what she asked of me.  To be there to sing to her as she was birthing her beautiful daughter into the world.  I didn't have a particular choice in the songs I sung, I just sung the songs that I felt would help her to mentally focus and center herself emotionally.  Before long, her first born daughter was born every way loved and every way still part of the family.  The feelings of the birth remained with me sub consciously for a long time and yet I remember little snippets of that exact time as though she had just been born.
My next birth was unfortunately the same, where I attended purely as support for yet another still birth of a precious little boy.  I could feel that something was affecting me and yet I still didn't acknowledge that this was possibly my calling.  My words, songs, tune everything was making an impact on some one's life and I had no idea that I was doing it.
My next birth was that of my nephew Brian, I spent time massaging and being with my sister in law.  Reassuring her that everything was going to be okay and for me I felt privileged to be asked to be there and present for my family.  My sisters eldest son was my next attended birth.  Before long my sister was standing giving birth and I was there to catch him and assist.  Free birthing at it's best I tell you. It's not about the hanging qualification that's says you can do it, it's about your ability to trust in yourself as an attendant at a birth that matters most. Your support brings that added security to a family and makes such a difference to the atmosphere. Therefore you always have to make sure you are transparent in your dealings. (a lesson I need to learn in my daily life) Labouring mothers are like sponges and feel everything and I mean everything. That tiff you had with your significant other is showing in your body language and being magnified a katrillion times over in that room. So take some time to debrief yourself and your mood. Even if it's in the car for 10 minutes, just breathing and getting to your place of neutrality. It will make the world of difference to a families experience with a birth attendant, doula or Tapuhi.

A Friday unlike any other

I love Romiromi and at times I can be apprehensive about what's in store when I'm having work done, though on this particular occasion I was pleasantly surprised.  As soon as the mahi started I could feel a tugging sensation in my uterus and I thought okay this is different.  I found as the treatment got further in, that I was starting to remember things from the Waananga that I had attended.  There was something pulsating in my uterus and it was as if, it knew that it had to be done.  Jacq told me that it was like a chain that she saw and then I felt like I was birthing.  Until finally there was a release and my heart felt melted, almost like I had fallen in love again.  The feeling was overwhelmingly good, much like the sensation of giving birth and finally holding your baby.  On our drive home, Jacq mentioned that it was like I was giving birth.  I then said it felt like the placenta was coming away from the walls of my uterus and that maybe the chain she was holding was the cord associated with the placenta.  Delivery of the placenta is the third stage of labor, which can take place some minutes after the birth.  Why was this stage so evident in my treatment on Friday?  Is this the part of me letting go fully of the babies that I have lost through miscarriage?  Could this also be the stage of me ending my inability to carry to full term?  Time can only tell.

Collecting Wai Tae

Being that today has not been the best in terms of weather, I still felt the need to collect Wai Tae or Sea Water.  I was determined not to let the weather deter me and I knew that once I got there that the rain would either recede or become more sprinkles than a down pour.  On our journey to Brighton Le Sands by train and bus, I kept an eye on the rain outside.  Getting a feel for what to expect and by the time I got to Rockdale, my connecting bus service to BLS, the rain was at a steady rate.  On arriving to BLS it had almost completely stopped, so down to the water me, my daughter and her pram trekked. Across the sand until we got to a nice place to set up.  I set my girl down on a towel so she could eat her sushi and watch mama, took out my 3 glass bottles and proceeded to head out into the waters.  They were somewhat choppy on my getting to the shoreline and as soon as I reached the shoreline and started my Kaupare, the waters settled and I was able to fill my bottles with ease.  I stood in the water reciting my Kaupare and when I was almost finished, I back up out of the water continuing the Kaupare until I reached the shoreline again and finished.  I felt so confident and appreciative of Hine Moana gifting me her sacred water.  Why the salt water you may ask?  Ive been taught the importance of this water since starting to Romiromi in particular.  I knew its significance beforehand thanks to my brother and on many occasions had used Wai Tae to bless my whare and my family.  In our Romiromi mahi, Wai Tae prevents the exchange of energy between me and the person who I Romiromi.  The movement and wave action of Hine Moana is constant, never allowing the settlement of anything negative.  Which is why I feel the need to go to the sea at times, to feel the waves wash over me.  After this I feel centered and content in carrying out my life until the next time I feel a disturbance within my well being.  There is nothing as pure as the water gifted by Hine Moana and ultimately Io for clearing.

To Professionalize?

I'm considering taking my work to a new level by including a Business Name/Logo to be able to present myself out there on a marketing level.  Is that the right path to follow I wonder?  Will this added professionalism mean I'm setting myself up to be bound by the unknown that goes against the grain of what I do?  I attend free births, home births, anywhere births, but does that mean that with the name and logo I am then not allowed to?  It poses a question of what I want for my work in the future and how best can I reach the wahine that are looking for the work that I do?  I don't think it will.  I feel that my calling and dedication to Hine Te Iwa Iwa is far more important than that of the corporate call, that they will balance themselves one way or another.  Now to plan and devise a plan of moving forward with logo ideas and business names.

Birthing Position Consideration

I've noticed in hospital births that there is a lack of consideration when it comes to birthing.  On several occasions I have had to identify to medical staff that my mama is unable to have her legs pushed back to give birth, due to medical conditions that prevent the hips from splaying comfortably apart.  These are little details that anyone who presents themselves to a whanau, be they a doula or medical professional should really inform themselves of.  In my situation, I find that birthing standing or kneeling have given the best results for me and have been comfortable for me due to a botch up of my slipped epiphysis operations at age 12.  A jagged edge of bone has prevented a full range movement of my right hip and with the addition of the pins, plates and screws holding it in place, it's unlikely to be rectified until I have a full hip replacement.  So I've had to accommodate for this issue to ensure that I am better able to birth in a manner that is still peaceful and gentle.  I have not experienced any tears in this position and have seen good results in the births that I have attended. 

The Limbic Imprint

The Limbic Imprint is certainly not a new concept to today's world, yet it appears it is one aspect of birthing that has been passed over.  Limbic Imprinting is what happens following the birth of our babies into this new world.  A world that for some is greeted with noise, lights, voices, yelling, pain, surgical teams, poking, prodding and all over busyness.  When we are born into this environment, what we encounter first imprints within our cerebellum in one of the 5 lobes called the Limbic Lobe.  Our emotions, feelings and sensations are stored in the Limbic Lobe, which register and echo in the form of sensations throughout our body weather we realize it or not.  We are prepared to enter the world with love and when there is no love received, our first primal experiences are imprinted in us forever.  Being in this instance, disconnection, insecurity and no love.  When the love of parents is received at birth and the abundance of connection is established, the imprint is that of security, love and feeling of being where they are meant to be.  Is it wrong for me to want the imprint of love in all forms given to a newborn at birth? Certainly not, it is my duty as a Tapuhi to ensure that the imprint of all babies in made in the first instance of love.

Face your cheek to the sun

I love the sun and am so gracious for that which we are gifted with on earth.  When I had times of sadness, I would face my cheek to the sun.  This is my definition of sun kissed and one that has helped me in so many ways.  I consider a sun kiss one of my values to teach my daughter, who turns 3 next month.  We are very similar in our personalities and she mimics very well too, so I've had to be mindful of my conduct in her presence.  Another love of mine is the sea and especially when I've felt disconnected with the world and even myself, I find the healing waves of Hinemoana being exactly what I needed to refresh and rethink.  We get so bogged down by life in it's entirety, that we forget to look after ourselves.  Or throw caution to the wind and compromise our beings for others.  I've certainly always felt I needed to put others before myself but, there comes a time when we need to stand on the two feet we were given and lead our own lives free of others bounds and wants. 

My Answer Arrives in the form of a Double Rainbow

Kahukura and Te Awhiorangi arrived just as the heavy rain broke last night, bringing a sense of content feelings in terms of my previous dilemma.  It was my tohu to say that regardless of what I do there will be a protection over me, meaning I have no fear of the work that I am about to undertake.  I will always maintain and uphold my tikanga above all else, regardless of what I do and under who's teachings I learn.  Thank you Papa for the lovely tohu and answering my call when I needed it.  Here I was thinking I was operating from the Whatumanawa, when really it was my fear talking.

Kahukura is the outer bow protecting Te Awhiorangi the inner bow.  My tohu of being protected.

The Maori way

I know that when I get a feeling about something that I am in it for the long haul but on the odd occasion I find that I am faced with situations where I feel pushed out of safety.  I love who I am as a Maori Doula and what I offer to Maori Women in terms of prenatal and antenatal care, that I would not change what I do.  Not because I am set in my ways or that I am not willing to compromise, but merely because it has taken this long to have the old ways of birthing reaffirmed in daily life.  That I don't want these teachings compromised in any way, as when I feel that I feel my safety net is being taken away from me.  My tikanga, ahuatanga and Maoritanga is what makes what I do unique and what makes each experience with a whanau unique.  I learn their tribal customs and those rites that pertain to their tribal links and it's those tribal links I acknowledge in making the birthing experience what it becomes.  I go out of my way to assist in births that are not embraced by mainstream Doula or Midwives.  My abilities are learned and nurtured by people who are no longer here, it's those skills that I can not find in any text book or classroom learning.  It's those skills that I fear, I will not be able to use if I decide to take on the accredited route.  I'm torn and I'm feeling it's effects in such a big way, that I feel that I have caused a riff within my circle of friends.  I had no intention of intending to offend anyone, I felt I needed to share the aspect of concern at the time and what I was feeling.  I don't feel that there is a united backing in our wanting to Doula in our own way, in the Maori way as I grew up with.  Papa, what would you suggest I do?  I'm sounding egotistical and selfish, yet I feel I need to protect our ways. 

Belly Casting and Photography Services

The form of a wahine (woman) during pregnancy is unlike anything else on the planet.  To know that life is living and breathing within our womb is such a heart warming experience and one that is treasured on so many levels.  We embrace as much of this time together with our pepi (baby), until the moment labor starts and ultimately birth.  Many mama have taken the effort to memorialize this moment through belly casting and it is one service that I would like to offer to mama's.  I also photograph any or all aspects of the labor, birth and postnatal bonding, which is then presented to the whanau one month after the birth in a one off handmade album with all digital photo's saved to a USB stick for ease.  I do not need to be a tapuhi of a whanau to provide this service.

All art work that goes in to a cast is unique to your pregnancy, whanau and pepi.  This is a basic casting without artwork, which is cast from the puku and breasts only.  More detailed castings can be done with hands on puku, casting from the sternum to below the waist and including the bicep area.

In the beginning

Ko Tainui te Waka
Ko Kakepuku raua ko Pirongia nga Maunga
Ko Waipa raua ko Waikato nga Awa
Ko Ngati Maniapoto te Iwi
Ko Ngati Ngawaero te Hapu
No Te Awamutu ahau, tetehi taone iti i roto i te rohe ko Waipa
Nau mai piki mai ki tenei waahi
No reira tena koutou, tena koutou, tena koutou katoa

I have tried to think of a perspective to come from in terms of writing this blog.  There is so much I want to say and share, yet I want to maintain an atmosphere of calm, while discussing and sharing information that will encourage a sense of belonging in this waahi (space) and safety in expressing our thoughts.  We are all entitled to make conscious decisions when it comes to childbirth and my role as a Tapuhi, is to ignite our customary birthing rites.  Regardless of where we are in the world and where it is we birth.  Our Maori birthing rites and the birthing rites of all cultures, belong to us and are entitled to us on a spiritual level.  When we are away from the familiarity and close knit communities of our homelands, we are without our customs and the grounding of the whenua (land) to blanket us in security.  My role as a Tapuhi, is to ensure that as much grounding takes place to encourage a safe and secure environment to enjoy the haputanga (pregnancy), encourage a space of thinking that will assist in gentle birthing, provide haputanga mirimiri (pregnancy massage) to assist the flow of amniotic fluid surrounding our pepi (baby), assist with built up pressure on our lower joints and realign our spine and hips for comfort during the final trimester of haputanga.  Provide a safe environment for our mama and their whanau to korero (talk) labor, birth, transition, breastfeed and access spiritual and holistic embodiment through use of Oriori (lullabies), Karakia (prayer) Takutaku and Kaupare (ancient chants).  Oriori has the benefits of teaching our pepi their Whakapapa (genealogy), who their ancestors are and the history of their tribe.  My explanation is an understatement in terms of the essence that Oriori has on birth, a mama, a whanau and a pepi.  Karakia, Kaupare and Takutaku are just as equally important in acknowledging Io (our creator) Nga Kaitiaki (guardians) Atua (demi guardians), asking permission of the Tupuna (ancestors) and Kaitiaki to mirimiri one of their descendants and ask for their blessings and protection during the pregnancy, labor, birth and the life of the pepi.  Also acknowledgement of the landowners of this country, as they allow us to walk their lands and ultimately birth here on their lands. We can never assume that us beings on a physical level have the ability to take on this task, hence the importance of asking and acknowledging from a spiritual level.  This is me and the reason I choose to be a Tapuhi, in the hope that we can still contain our oneness with home, while on this whenua.  In ending, I owe much of what I feel and know from my parents who imprinted a healing spirit within me and that of my whanau as a whole.  My wonderful midwife Heather Muriwai for trusting and believing in my ability as a birthing Maori woman, Papa Hohepa Delamere for showing me an alternative to seeing the world, Wikitoria Oman for being the seed carrier of the knowledge handed down by Papa Hohepa and instilling this love in me for mahi (work) that I have been doing for so many years, yet felt insecure about where to begin.  My brother Ezard, for being the voice of the Takutaku I hear during my mahi. Words can never truly express the gratitude I have for you all and words can never truly define how my work has been impacted as a result of your being who you are in my life.